Doctor Who and Sirius Black share a flat, Episode 1 (Script)...
A plain old flat in Surrey awaits the arrival of two new occupants...
Enter the Doctor (through the front door)
Doctor: Looks like a nice place, could do with a bit of doing up though. Wonder who i'm sharing with? Wait, I smell (pause for a moment to sniff) lavender with a hint of mint! That means protection against Arethians dressed as grannies! Now why would that be necessary? (Pause for a moment) Of course! It's so obvious! How many old people did I pass on the way here? Old people with cats, which means (another pause) Vogons disguised as cats! So we will need mice to trap the Vogons and force them to tell us what's happening! Off to the shops!
Exeunt the Doctor (through the front door) Enter Sirius Black (Back door, in a rush, locks the door behind and crouches, panting for a while before walking over to the table in the middle of the kitchen and starts scrawling a letter, reading aloud)
Sirius: Dear Harry, managed to give the muggle police and death eaters the slip, at my new flat now, can't say where - spies- will lie low a while. Just hope flat mate won't draw too much attention. Potions improved since I threatened Snape last? Hope you are well, love from Sirius. (Stops writing) Now how do I send this? I shall have to ask my muggle flat mate, i'll just wait for his arrival.
Doctor Enters (slamming the door open, Sirius draws his wand, aiming at the door from the shadows)
Doctor: Alonzy! Anyone home? (spots Sirius) Oh hi there! You must be my new flat mate, how's it going? What's that you got, a stick? (Sirius withdraws his wand) Prefer a sonic screwdriver myself (muttered). I'm the Doctor by the way, glad to meet you (offering a hand which Sirius ignores, eyeing him suspiciously so the Doctor withdraws it).
Sirius: Is that a normal muggle name, I mean a common name?
Doctor: It's quite unique but so am I! I bought mice to catch Vogons. What's your name, by the way?
Sirius: Paddy, Paddy Foot and how do you know of Vogons? How much do you know? Can you tell me what Quidditch is?
Doctor: A type of sandwich? Prefer BLT myself but whatever suits your fancy. You look familiar by the way, think I saw a poster of you on the way to the shops (puts down his groceries and inspects the front room). Bit bare, these flats, needs more furniture, shall we go and find some?
Sirius: Glad to, Doctor, just give me a while to freshen up. (Searches for the bathroom, shaves with his wand and changes his clothes whilst the Doctor continues his inspection of the flat).
Doctor: Dry rot here, (crouches to inspect) on the skirting board, whoops! Broke it! (Fixes dry rot with sonic screwdriver and returns to the hallway just as Sirius does). Are you ready?
Sirius: Wait a sec (gets out his wand behind the Doctor's back, muttering a spell) Quietus. (The Doctor tries to talk but finds it difficult so reaches for his sonic screwdriver and opens his voicebox again to talk).
Doctor: That's strange, musta lost my voice momentarily, right, off we go! (Sirius looks perplexed and confused, assuming the Doctor to be a powerful wizard).
Sirius and the Doctor leave, closing the door behind them. Both Exeunt.
Enter the Doctor (through the front door)
Doctor: Looks like a nice place, could do with a bit of doing up though. Wonder who i'm sharing with? Wait, I smell (pause for a moment to sniff) lavender with a hint of mint! That means protection against Arethians dressed as grannies! Now why would that be necessary? (Pause for a moment) Of course! It's so obvious! How many old people did I pass on the way here? Old people with cats, which means (another pause) Vogons disguised as cats! So we will need mice to trap the Vogons and force them to tell us what's happening! Off to the shops!
Exeunt the Doctor (through the front door) Enter Sirius Black (Back door, in a rush, locks the door behind and crouches, panting for a while before walking over to the table in the middle of the kitchen and starts scrawling a letter, reading aloud)
Sirius: Dear Harry, managed to give the muggle police and death eaters the slip, at my new flat now, can't say where - spies- will lie low a while. Just hope flat mate won't draw too much attention. Potions improved since I threatened Snape last? Hope you are well, love from Sirius. (Stops writing) Now how do I send this? I shall have to ask my muggle flat mate, i'll just wait for his arrival.
Doctor Enters (slamming the door open, Sirius draws his wand, aiming at the door from the shadows)
Doctor: Alonzy! Anyone home? (spots Sirius) Oh hi there! You must be my new flat mate, how's it going? What's that you got, a stick? (Sirius withdraws his wand) Prefer a sonic screwdriver myself (muttered). I'm the Doctor by the way, glad to meet you (offering a hand which Sirius ignores, eyeing him suspiciously so the Doctor withdraws it).
Sirius: Is that a normal muggle name, I mean a common name?
Doctor: It's quite unique but so am I! I bought mice to catch Vogons. What's your name, by the way?
Sirius: Paddy, Paddy Foot and how do you know of Vogons? How much do you know? Can you tell me what Quidditch is?
Doctor: A type of sandwich? Prefer BLT myself but whatever suits your fancy. You look familiar by the way, think I saw a poster of you on the way to the shops (puts down his groceries and inspects the front room). Bit bare, these flats, needs more furniture, shall we go and find some?
Sirius: Glad to, Doctor, just give me a while to freshen up. (Searches for the bathroom, shaves with his wand and changes his clothes whilst the Doctor continues his inspection of the flat).
Doctor: Dry rot here, (crouches to inspect) on the skirting board, whoops! Broke it! (Fixes dry rot with sonic screwdriver and returns to the hallway just as Sirius does). Are you ready?
Sirius: Wait a sec (gets out his wand behind the Doctor's back, muttering a spell) Quietus. (The Doctor tries to talk but finds it difficult so reaches for his sonic screwdriver and opens his voicebox again to talk).
Doctor: That's strange, musta lost my voice momentarily, right, off we go! (Sirius looks perplexed and confused, assuming the Doctor to be a powerful wizard).
Sirius and the Doctor leave, closing the door behind them. Both Exeunt.
Anything related to Harry Potter, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy or Doctor Who in this story is not my idea or owned by me, neither are any rights pertaining to them, they aren't my intellectual property, they are the property of JK Rowling / BBC and I am only writing a short story about them, that is not related to any existing or up and coming Harry Potter or Doctor Who merchandise.
